I recently shared on Instagram that I’ve been experiencing some parental challenges with my middle schoolers. It doesn’t surprise me that they are having challenges in certain areas, that’s apart of growing up.
I am fully aware that my twins they are entering a very special stage in their development. They’re discovering who they are and forming their identities. It’s natural for me to want to drill what’s right and wrong in desperation to make sure they get it. More recently, it seemed like the harder I tried to fix their problems, the worse they got. To top it off, I’m starting new projects, blogging, classes, and business expansion. I felt like I would have to pull back and completely focus in on them.
There is nothing wrong with knowing when your child needs you and making the necessary changes to meet their needs; that’s what good parents do. In this case, it wasn’t a matter of them needing more of me. I was spending time everyday lecturing, motivating, and reinforcing the behavior and results I was looking for. Sometimes I would feel so drained after addressing the latest problem area, that I didn’t want to move. It became apparent that more time, focus and energy wasn’t the answer; and me quitting the pursuit of my goals wasn’t going to help my children either.
I am a woman of faith, and I quickly realized this was beyond my means. I started praying, but I didn’t see immediate changes. There was a heavy feeling of disappointment and failure as a parent. How could I feel proud of myself, when my children were struggling and on the verge of indifference about one of the most important journies in their lives? Should I just take on the indifference that they were starting to show? It seemed like the best course to preserve my energy.
Then, one night after praying, I heard God say “you have to change how you think and speak about this.” It was a lightbulb moment! I had to change the way I was looking at this test. When I changed how I viewed things, frustration turned to faith; and faith change s everything. I began to feel both excited and hopeful. I still saw little to no change in my children’s response to the situation, but my faith had already been activated.
I intentionally spoke positively to my sons. I told them that they were intelligent and more than capable of conquering their challenges. I could see that they were encouraged by those words. They would smile when they usually would be sad or frustrated; I knew I was on the right track. I couldn’t just stop there, God placed in my heart to start planting and watering my sons with positive affirmations, for 30 Days.
When it was placed in my heart I was tired and nearly asleep, but I went to my desk, found a sticky note, and began to write. First, I wrote instructions to Rhyse and Rhyan: “Read the note with your name aloud before you leave the house today. Then, place it where you’ll see it throughout the day.” Then, I wrote out a personal message on a sticky note, one for each of them. Finally, I left the notes in sight, on the bathroom mirror. Everyday, since November 1st, I have positive affirmations for both of the boys to read and take with them out in the world.
I have seen improvement in their attitude about school. When they come home, they’re eager to share their day. When I saw how much affirmations were affecting my boys, I thought to challenge myself and others to do a #30daysofaffirmation challenge. It can be affirmations for yourself or your children. Let’s intentionally speak life and positivity into ourselves and our children’s life. Let’s see how things start to change when we plant seeds for change!
You can start anytime in the month of November, since it’s the second to last month of the year, we can speak change before the New Year gets here. I’m also challenging you to subscribe to the prayers for mothers to give added support and encouragement. Share the #30daysofaffirmation challenge and prayers with someone you know is facing a mountain in their life. I’m looking forward to seeing your affirmations posts on social media too, so use the hashtag above.
Sharing the sunshine of life; balancing wife, mom, faith, and purpose.