There is nothing quite like the month of November. I shared how I love the changes it brings, and of course, Thanksgiving (I love to eat)! What I didn’t share with you all is that 3 of my 4 children were born in the month of November. What’s even more special is that my twins, Rhyse and Rhyan, were born the day after Thanksgiving, and my baby girl, Amana, was born the day before Thanksgiving.
My favorite thing about November is Thanksgiving. I believe that Thanksgiving is a time of reflection and appreciation for life and the wide array of beauty it brings. As I reflect this year, my heart is so overwhelmed with gratitude. As I look at where I am in life now, I cannot help, but be thankful. I want to share with you some of the sentiments of my heart.
I look at Rhyse and Rhyan, how much they’ve grown in these short 12 years. It’s mind blowing to see how far they’ve come. I became a mother at 19. The daughter of a bishop, pregnant out of wedlock. At that time, I was scared, no terrified. I thought I would never be accepted again, especially in church. I questioned who I was, as a young adult, but even more so as a woman of faith. I made poor choices, and to escape those poor choices I made more poor choices. Up until that point in my life, it had just been me. I could live the choices because ultimately they only affected me, or so I thought.
Then I got the news that I was pregnant. Pregnant with twins! What was I going to do? I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I wasn’t ready to be responsible for someone else. I remember in my lowest emotional point, hearing God speak to me, he said, “trust me.” It both comforted me and convicted me because, God was still showing his faithfulness to me even when I hadn’t been faithful to him.
Those two words have been the roots that have kept me grounded ever since. To trust God. To see that his hand was working in my life, in spite of my mistakes, poor judgment, and lack of faith. I discovered that with those two words, I could get over a bad relationship, learn to love myself, and become the woman I needed to be for my children. Those two words gave me the strength to have peace when my heart was aching, and when my earnings couldn’t match my needs.
Trusting God turned from a plea from his heart to mine, and into a motto and firm commitment from my heart to His. I trust God. Through every loss I’ve experienced, every wound I’ve received, every bit of brokenness from lies, hurt, deception, betrayal, and failures, yet I’m still here, still trusting. My trust in Him restored me, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, more times than I can count. My trust in him gave me the acceptance I needed to be who he created me to be.
It was my trust in God that opened up the opportunity to have a friendly conversation with a wonderful, handsome man named Aaron. That same trust that opened my heart to believe that I could love and be loved, and which later made way for my children and I to be loved by this same man, without pretense.
Me trusting God helped me through infertility and gloomy diagnoses; to now having two more beautiful lives (AJ and Amana) to share life with. My trust in God has had it’s high’s and low’s, but one thing I’m sure of, I wouldn’t have made it this far without it.
I’m reflecting on how God can take the things that you feel are the worst things and turn them into some of the best things, more than you could ever imagine. While I’m sharing that truth, I’m also living it too, because Thanksgiving was one of my favorite times to share with my father and family. I miss him so much, but even in missing him, I can only think of gratitude. When I consider those two words and what they did for me; I recognize that God gave me one the greatest examples of how to live out those two words when he gave me to my father.
When I say that I am grateful, it doesn’t mean that everything is perfect or ideal. What it means is that I realize that through everything, my faith is working something greater. I cannot see what I am hoping for tomorrow, but when I look back on yesterday I see how far trusting God has gotten me, and I can thankfully, joyfully, and lovingly live with hope in this new day.
I think God allowed me to give birth before and after Thanksgiving to remind me that being thankful is the best way to carry on in this life, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.
From my family to yours,
Sharing the sunshine of life; wife, mom, faith, and purpose.